Sometimes reflecting is a bad thing. I was looking back today and couldn’t help but wonder when i changed so much. Why I changed so much. It has to be me as I am the only common denominator. Is it possible to change back?
I am not sure when I became the last person you spoke to about how you feel. I am not sure when I became the last one that was invited along. I am not sure when I became the last thing you thought of when you had to make decisions. I am not sure when I stopped counting when you had the chance to do something that had the potential of hurting me. When did I start to count for so little? When did I become invisible?
Like I said all of these changes has to be from my side. I just wish I knew why. Why did I change into this when I was so happy being that. Was it maybe because you crossed the line one too many times and I stood up for myself? Was it because i was cast aside and became invisible one too many times? Was it because I realised I was only there when it suited you?
I have become empty, angry. I feel worthless. I feel unlovable. I feel like a robot. I wish I knew why. I want to be the fun, happy, laughing person I once was. I want to be the person people wanted to be around. I want to be the person that had conversations for hours because my opinion mattered. I want to be the person that mattered.
I am not sure why I changed into this. Are you worth it? Do I let them get me down? Somehow it doesn’t feel right.
Watch me now……as I take my life back……one way or another…..
Watch me as I start to matter……..
Watch me as my opinions start to count………
Watch me as I become visible……….