What she taught me.

I have been thinking about my mom so much lately. It’s been more than 8 years and I miss her more than ever.  Some days it feels like yesterday but then I think about everything I couldn’t share with her over the years and it hits me how long it has been.  She was the most amazing person I know.  That is why I thought I would share what she taught me:

How to be a woman:  My mom was the most self respecting person I knew.  She often lost friends because she wouldn’t fit in but she always stuck to her values.  Even when she was in hospital and she couldn’t talk she hated the fact that someone had to dress her.  She always looked good and she was proud to be a woman.  Even though there were parts of her she would change if she could, she loved herself.

How to be a wife:  Even though their life was rough and they went through many obstacles she loved my dad till the very end.  She tried every day to make his life a little better or easier.  She demanded his respect above all else.

How to love:  Every single day of my life I knew I was loved.  She said it often and she said it proudly.  She taught me that love is the biggest gift and to do it completely.  She taught me that love is respectful and compassionate. She showed me  that love is not always enough but it is always worth fighting for.  She told me that love can move mountains.  She showed me love – every day!

How to be a friend:  She did not have many (real) friends but those she had she held close.  She would do anything for them. She was there when they needed her.  She was a shoulder to cry on.  A hand to hold.  Sometimes she would get the same in return but in the end, it didn’t really matter to her.  She felt that her part in their lives was far more important than anything she could get in return.

How to be a mother:  My mother was my biggest fan and loudest supporter.  Even when I failed at something, she was there to support me and cheer me on.  I never doubted her love for me.  She was my best friend and I could tell her anything.  Even if she didn’t have the words she would hold my hand and listen.  I wasn’t afraid to tell her anything.  I knew that even if it was bad she would never stop loving me.  She was strict but fair.  She gave me freedom to do certain things and gave me reasons for things I could not do.  She was always honest, always sincere and always kept her word.  I respected her so very much.  I knew that if I lied to her I would get punished.  She had no problem with taking her shoe off and spanking me in a shopping centre or at Funland (yes, even when I was 16!!).  She encouraged my dreams but she was always realistic.  She told me that I can do anything and to keep my head in the clouds. She would always make sure I had my feet on the ground.

How to be sarcastic:  Make no mistake – my mom had the wildest sense of humour and had a knack for sarcasm that I am proud to have picked up from her.

How to give unconditionally:  My mom had a tough life and went through periods that were awful.  She was always willing to give.  She never expected or asked anything in return and a smile, hug or sigh of relief was her reward – and she loved it.  She gave to her family more than she had to.  I look back and I feel awful for what she gave up for us.  So that we could have what we wanted.

There is so much she gave me.  She gave me my brother – who I love so very much – and his family full of love.  She gave me love, freedom to be me and respect.  She gave me life.  She made me who I am today.  We had so many dreams for the future and plans for our lives.  I wish we could have that time together.  I wish I could say good bye.

I love you Mom