Relationships, sex and “the experts”

I will admit that I watch Dr Phil, Oprah and probably any other talk show you could find. Ok not really all of them. Recently – I’d say the last 2 weeks or so – there has been alot of “experts” on sex and relationship and all stuff about it in general.

There was alot that I could agree with but also alot that had me thinking/questioning. Basically one “expert” reckoned that men want 3 things. Love and Loyalty, Support and Sex. If they don’t get either one of those 3 they will find it elsewhere. Another “expert” says that there are so many different factors in what makes us choose our partners. One of those is kissing. She said that if you don’t have at least one 10 second or longer kiss a day then there is probably something wrong in the relationship. Another person was having emotional affairs with other men and the “expert” said that she was addicted to the thrill and excitement of it – even if there was no physical contact with the person – and she wasn’t even considering what it was doing to her husband. She in turn said she doesn’t get trust and communication and such from him. SO she went looking elsewhere. She also said she never had sex with any of these men. Truth is she could’ve. Who will know. Her husband said she broke his trust. She told someone else she loved him and SAID she wanted to have sex with him. When you want to then in your mind you already have. Emotional affairs are just as painful as sexual affairs. Cheating is cheating. I tend to agree with him on that. Another topic was how some people could have happy relationships without the constant teenager sex binges but chances are they found that one missing thing somewhere else. Another topic was how what women want and need most is to feel desired. That will attract them to that person no matter how tired, cranky or bad the day was.

So here is my question. Are we just doomed by the fact that at least one partner in a relationship/marriage/partnership is going to find something that is missing elsewhere? Is it really possible to give all those things to your partner while still getting everything you need from your partner all the time in every way? I mean can a women feel desired by her husband while still supporting him and loving him no matter what and her husband kiss her for more than 10 seconds every day – all the time – every day. What if you have an off day? If I have an off day and don’t feel like being kind and caring and loyal and kiss him for more than 10 seconds and still have sex, does that mean he is going to find someone else?

Well I would like to believe that there is more to a relationship than just sex. I would like to believe that just because the “experts” say I have to do all these things every day doesn’t mean that one day I can’t. Surely there are still some relationships that are good and loyal and stable. I know some people cheat on their partners. I know bad things happen to relationships. But all of them? If my husband is going to cheat on me I doubt there is very much I can do to change his mind. I can watch him and be paranoid and suspect but is it going to change anything? If I kiss him for 30 seconds every day is he going to stop thinking about the other person. I doubt it. All I am saying is that I doubt that just these things keep relationships together. And if – like the “experts” say – we are all doomed for cheating then what is the point? Why have a relationship? Why get married? Is that really all there is to it? I seriously doubt it…..

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