I’ve been thinking a lot lately about relationships and how we handle them. I am fully aware that ‘relationships’ is not all that is out there but every single person you have to deal with in a day is some sort of relationship. Friendship, intimate relationship, working relationship, even your neighbour. Then I started thinking. When is enough enough?
How many times to you let your friend hurt you before you say enough is enough. And when you say enough is enough what does that mean? Does that mean that you are going to tell her that you don’t like <enter quirk/habit here>, are you going to ignore her and ‘sulk’ for a while but never really say anything, are you going to stop being her friend, ie try your best to avoid her until there is practically no communication or friendship left.
I have been trying to work out who my real friends are. I don’t have many – fake or otherwise – but those that I consider my friends will always be able to call on me for anything. I will do anything for my friends. Recently however I have noticed that it has become extremely easy for my friends – fake or otherwise – to ‘drop’ me. I have even had it where my one friend cancelled plans that were made in advance because someone had asked her the previous day to go somewhere with them. Do I take is as a slap in the face? I will have friends stop talking halfway through a conversation – phone/email/sms/chat – to talk to someone else. And they tell me that. So how many times am I going to allow someone to put me after someone else? I am fully aware that not everyone can like me and not everyone can like me all the time. I am also aware that some of my friends have other friends. All my friends come first for me. If there is something that requires me to be at the same place at the same time – provided it can’t be combined – I will have to go with the person that asked me first as well as rate the occasion. For example, if friend A had asked me three weeks ago to go with them to the first day of the Woolies sale but two days before friend B loses a close family member and the funeral falls on the same day as the sale, I will of course change my plans to be with friend B, and fully expect friend A to understand. That is me.
However, when I am constantly the one that gets cancelled, shifted or forgotten for other friends then I detect a problem. The problem could very well be me. I am after all the common denominator. If that is the case then to me the solutions is simple. Don’t be my friend. You can be civil and friendly but the necessities that friendship requires then falls away. I would rather not have your friendship then have you lying. See I am easy to please……
The one thing that gets to me more than anything else is lying/deceiving or being fake. Be honest…with yourself and with me.
Right, that is friendships out of the way. I think the same ‘rule’ applies across all relationships. Honesty to me is the key to everything. I especially love it when people talk about me or lie to me. 99.99% of the time the truth comes out. Chances are I would’ve been a little angry or annoyed if you told me from the beginning but lying to me and I find out later you lied is probably going to make me furious. Although I am realistic and I also apply time frames to these things but still. Lying is probably the biggest ship destroyer for me. Relationship, friendship anything.
And yes, being honest with me and saying “I’m sorry I can’t talk to you right now because <enter other friends name here> is trying to get hold of me/talk to me” is great. Just don’t expect me to feel like I am important to you. Therefore the relationship isn’t important to you.
Basicly my questions is this. When is enough enough? When do you put your foot down and draw the line. I am not sure when to do that. Or even if I want to. I tend to be the person that will cling to any sign of friendship and convince myself that it was just a bad time/day/week. Or even that it was all my fault. Can I stop it now? Can I say enough is enough? Or am I willing to cling onto something that means more to me than it could ever mean to that person? Can I convince myself that they care?
I will always treasure my friends. Each with their own box of memories. Memories that can stay with me long after the friendship has died and/or moved on.